The Why

Creative outlets are increasingly hard to find and follow through with for me. I've always loved writing, but I've had a tough time continuing to do so as an adult. I've included this track as accompaniment for this wall of text.

I distinctly remember writing pages on pages of fiction when I was younger. I had a Tumblr where I was planning on writing a novel (how novel), I constantly interacted with others and discussed writing, software, etc. I never fell out of love with writing, but my ideas were more and more disconnected from who I was becoming.

Sometime around 2017, I fell deeply in love with music. Not from a avid listener perspective (I easily listened to 50,000+ hours per year beforehand), but from a creative outlet and active participant role. Even being in the crowd was a creative endeavor of how to best engage in the energy curated by the musicians in front of us. Making a fool of yourself, while not directly encouraged, was acceptable, fun, and endearing. I feel slightly unfortunate that it came crashing down, much like every other aspect of socialization, in 2020.

I had just broken out of my shell and learned to love wholeheartedly something that could not directly love me back. I was more than fine with this - it was a purposeful choice, and led to memories and personal development beyond my wildest expectations. I had friends, acquaintances - people knew of me and I could talk to nearly anyone. Those two and a half years were, arguably, the best of my life.

I had always been shy. I was intimidated by social interaction and the fear of failure. Odd, since at 6', slightly overweight, and bearded since 17 I was the intimidating one. I had a tight circle of maybe 4 friends from 13-17. At 18, I moved. Alone. I had to redevelop that which I had no experience making - a social circle.

2020-2022 undid years of progress I had made in removal of social roadblocks. I had no more creative expression, my friends either moved or isolated, and there I was. At least I had my cat.

Back to the subject:

I believe deeply in pursuing creativity. Modern life in the US is so impersonal due to a variety of obligations and masking that is required to exist if you are anything outside of the norm for your area. Creative excursions and activity is the one shot at reclaiming your identity.

So here I am. I am a university educated engineer.

But I want to write, to make music, to do music production work, to take pictures and meet people and exist authentically.

This blog will, ideally, be a place for me to post about music production, music reviews and rants, and photos of bands playing live - including the crowd energy.

Till next.